First Grader Suspended

I had a call from a 1st grade teacher today who was very concerned about behaviors from one of the little girls in her first grade classroom. The child is new to the school and the family is new to the area in just the couple of weeks before school began. They have had to move in with family because the mother has a chronic illness and isn't able to manage on her own. There are two children, the 1st grader and a boy who is in 3rd grade and doesn't seem to be having any problems. The child was suspended when she bit an Assistant Principal. She has pushed other children, pushed over her chair, refused to follow directions. This teacher desperately wants to be able to do what is right for this child, but has a classroom of 28 students! There is a behavioral program in place in the classroom that uses the stoplight sticks to track behaviors and the students are responsible for moving their own sticks when prompted by the teacher.

How can this teacher respond to the needs of 28 children and have to spend so much time on the behavior of one child? The answer is that responding to this child instead of reacting to her will cut down on the amount of time she spends correcting behavior. This is how it works: children's behaviors are a means of communication. All children want to please adults. They do not want to be in trouble; they desperately want to get it right. This particular student is under a tremendous amount of stress and she is not thinking through situations because she can't. Her short term memory is suppressed by the part of the brain that reacts out of stress. In order to help this child and bring order back into the classroom, the teacher needs to help calm the child's stress and in doing so, the behavior will diminish. A reassuring touch on the shoulder to redirect the child when she seems off task; a school mentor that she can hook up with when she is obviously out of sorts; someone who will invite her to their room to have lunch; jobs to do in the classroom (this is a child who likes to be helpful). Perhaps knowing she can call home in the middle of the day to check on Mom on a day when the child seems particularly rattled; all of this will go a long way toward diminishing the stress. Stay tuned and in the next couple of weeks, I will check in for an update.

FREE,FREE,FREE...

Free all day training with Heather Forbes: Heather will be in Fort Wayne Indiana on September 11, 2010 to present for an entire day on the theories and methods presented in the book Beyond Consequences Logic and Control. The training is free, with a copy in hand, of Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control Volume I, or Volume II. For those of you, who are out of the area, check on the Beyond Consequences link on the right side of this blog, for other dates and places around the country. The Beyond Consequences Live training was my first formal introduction to Heather and that was five years ago...my way of doing therapy/coaching and my way of "doing" all relationship changed. Be prepared to shake up your world. And when Heather says 9:00-4:00 believe that it will be an intense, packed with useful information, day. AND the information is more practical than theoretical...you can use it immediately!!!!

The Stress Model

ANNOUNCEMENT:
On Thursday evening Bryan Post will give another FREE (!!) Webinar and you are invited to listen in. You do have to register to get all the information on how to get on to the Webinar.
https://www2.gotomeeting.com/register/937083354

Time for Own Bed?

QUESTION:
My 5 year old adopted son has slept with me since he was a baby. I believe that it helped us "attach" but, now he is sleeping the "wrong way" on the bed and it feels like it is time for time to move to his own bed in his own room. Do you have any suggestions to help with the transition? We did buy "Spiderman sheets" so he can "protect him" while he sleeps but, he still wants to snuggle with mommy.

ANSWER:
Well, the first order of business, which I'm sure you've already done, is to "right" him, i.e. move him around when he moves into the "wrong way". And do that without any fanfare. Next, to begin the process of transitioning him to sleeping alone in his own room, lay down with him in his bed until he falls asleep. If he should wake up in the night and wander back into your room, just gently lead him back, lay with him for a bit again and then go back to your bed. It may take many nights of doing this and if you feel that it interrupts your sleep patterns too much if he gets up in the middle of the night, then perhaps the next best thing would be to bring his mattress to your room and put it beside your bed. Do this until he is comfortable sleeping along and then reintroduce him to his own bed in his own room. Do expect this to take quite a while until he is comfortable sleeping alone. Remember he has been in the "family bed" his entire life.

Let me know how it goes.