Why Consequences Don't Work...

Consequences and behavior modification often do not work. In the past, we have just tried harder to come up with some "logical" consequence to bad behavior. And when we finally run out of our own ideas, we run to the latest article on changing a child's behavior or to the book store for the newest book. And then, we fall back on what comes easiest, yelling and punitive consequences. Then, the words fly in both directions and in the end, no changes really occur. And there is a reason: negative behavior is neither logical nor rational. It is emotional. Using our rational left brain left-brain [rules, consequences] to move a child out of his right-brain [emotions, fear response] is not effective and is met with resistance that isn't pretty. So what is a parent to do: parents need to see acting out behavior as an emotional response to an internal feeling. Tell your child that you can see he/she is stressed, have them come and sit by you, ask if he's like to take a walk with you. See if perhaps you can learn where the stress is coming from; or if you know tell him that when he acts out like this you know something is really bothering him. Use these moments to connect with your child, not send him away...listen to him even if he is saying things you don't want to hear.