In observing parents' behavior in reaction to their children acting out,I have tried to determine what drives the parental reaction of yelling, threatening and demeaning their children. It does not appear to matter the age of the child. Parental expectation is that children, who are being raised by well-intentioned, loving parents will behave properly. Parents seem to believe that even if children are thwarted in achieving a desired outcome, they will accept the "no" response of their parent. It is as though, the adults do not realize that even grown ups do not just accept not being able to get what they want.
I believe that parental acting out comes from a place of fear. It is the fear that they will be judged as inadequate parents. Inadequate to properly supervise, inadequate to "make" their child behave, inadequate to "make" their child respectful, and inadequate to "make" their child tell the truth. And in this space of fear, parents rear, the not so pretty, head of adult power and control. And if we think about it, we can see that using power and control is too often like wielding a club.
Friday, February 25, 2011
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