Reactive Attachment Disorder?

Question:
I have a 4 year old foster child who was recently placed in our home. I think she might have Reactive Attachment disorder. She tends to throw tantrums when she doesn't like the situation (not the game she wants to play or what she is asked to do) and will throw items (the computer monitor and toys), and will bite, urinate on the floor, and use profanities). I am worried that this is the issue, but can she be clinically diagnosed and if so by who?

Answer:
I know that most of us feel more comfortable when we can label a behavior, but in the end it doesn't help to understand behaviors nor does it help us know how to intervene. Your child needs help in regulating her emotions. All of her behaviors are coming from a place of stress and fear and her behaviors are communicating to you that she is stressed out and incapable of expressing her emotions in a socially acceptable way. It may be important, for insurance purposes, that she have a diagnosis and she can be diagnosed by a licensed mental health professional. I encourage you to seek help from a therapist who can perhaps provide guide you in helping your daughter regulate her emotional state when she is not in control of her emotions.

Trauma

Trauma is defined as any stressful event that is unpredictable, prolonged, and/or overwhelming. Examples of traumatic events are: pre-natal and perinatal events, natural disasters, abuse (emotional, physical, sexual), neglect, divorce, separation from parents, accidents, medical "events"; and the list goes on...When any stress event goes unexpressed, unprocessed and/or misunderstood, the person is left with long term trauma. And the last sentence really bears repeating...trauma that is unexpressed, unprocessed, and/or misunderstood leads to long term trauma.

10 year old reacts as if she is 2

Question:
I have a 10 year old daughter who sometimes seems like she is 10 going on 20 and other times like she is 10 going on 2. Her teachers tell me she is very bright. However, when emotionally challenged or when stress arises, she behaves very much like a tantruming toddler. I would like to understand so that I can help her.

Answer:
I have no doubt that your daughter is very bright and at times very mature. When she acts like she is two, she is telling you that she is stressed and she needs help regulating, calming, and returning to a place of equilibrium. We know that "when we stress, we regress." Behavior is our way of communicating; your daughter is telling you that she needs you, just as she did when she was two. She needs you to move in to her, to perhaps hold her and let her know she is safe, because that moment of stress that throws her back to being a toddler, and she does not feel safe. I do not know your daughter's history, but her behavior indicates that perhaps there may have been some trauma history. I will talk soon on what exactly is trauma.