Testing, Testing...

I realized after answering the question asked about behavior during ISTEP Testing that I should address teachers and proctors who are in the situation, several times each year, when state-wide and district wide testing is happening. Testing is a stressful situation for many students, of all ages. The mandatory testing of No Child Left Behind has put an extra dose of stress on not only the students, but the teachers, administrators, and parents. Schools are on high alert during testing week/s and that stress is communicated all the way down the line to the actual test takers. For students who have challenging behaviors, their stress level is at the max. And telling them to be on their best behavior and to pay attention to all the directions and to "NOT do this and NOT do that" and if they do "their tests will be thrown out," only pushes them over the edge (remember threats really don't work) that they are teetering on anyway.

Because this blog is all about interventions and not just more descriptions of why behavior is happening I do have several suggestions to offer. Alert all students the day before testing begins that it is going to be happening and that everyone knows that it is really really important to be at your best...but you know that they are going to feel stressed, frustrated, maybe even angry and that it is natural. You can even tell them that the adults in the building are probably going to be acting stressed as well. And that to make it easier, you are going to do some activities that will calm them before testing starts and during breaks. You want them to do some stretches and breathing exercises in addition to getting a drink and going to the restroom. (Check out Mindful Practices Wellness Program website). And remember teachers...breathe and calm yourself. And for your most challenging students, particularly the ones with IEP's that give them accommodations for testing be very sure you give them frequent breaks and have a proctor who can walk out of the room with them or have an administrator standing by your room and keep watch on those kids so you can catch them when they are beginning to go off task. Put a hand on their shoulder or arm, whisper an encouraging comment, tell them to BREATHE. I promise, it will make the testing go so much better with much less behavioral disruptions.

ISTEP Testing

Question:
We were asked to pick up our 11 year old foster son from school yesterday because he was disruptive, defiant and disrespectful to his teacher and to the teacher aid. Other times they will try to work with him, but because everyone was testing he was a distraction to the other students. We know that the testing will continue this week and into next and are really at a loss of how to handle his behavior. We would be appreciative of any suggestions you can give. We have thought about taking away his games for the week or perhaps not allowing him to watch television.

Answer:
Your son is stressed out by the test taking and does not know what to do with his anxiety. Instead of punishing him talk to him about how stressful/frustrating/nerve-wracking testing can be for him. Let him know that you understand and ask him what might help him get through it. He may not understand why he can't get more one on one help; he may be afraid that he is going to get a bad grade. Try to listen to his concerns and not try to argue with him or try to tell him that he just has to take the tests. If you find out what might help him, communicate those things to his teacher. And if he can't tell you, then talk with the teacher about how stressed he gets and ask if they can give him a few more breaks when he seems to be getting extra fidgety or needing a new pencil or to get up out of his seat, etc.

Too often we have expectations of how children should behave and are unaware of how stressful the environment they are in can be. Teachers, administrators, students are all wound very tight during testing time and it is easily picked up by stress sensitive kids. And they will act out their stress.

Elaine Spicer, LCSW

Healing Trauma

I heard a terrific analogy on an interview tape with Juli Alvarado of www.coaching-forlife.com and it just spoke to me. The analogy is how trauma is like cellulitis. Cellulitis is a bacterial infection that causes blotching, redness, swelling, and tenderness to the skin. The rash can be treated with patches, but if the underlying infection is not treated with antibiotics, the results can possibly be life threatening. The analogy to trauma is that if trauma is left unexpressed, unprocessed, and misunderstood, the results can potentially be as life threatening as cellulitis. And it is because trauma resides in the very cells of our bodies, that cognitive behavioral therapies are just patches whereby some behaviors may be kept in check, but unless a child is helped through emotional regulation, the trauma has the capacity to destroy.

Elaine Spicer
"healing is a process; change is an outcome;" and parenting is a journey

Adoption Should Come With a Guarantee of Love

Newspapers and other news media have been reporting the tragic story of the young Russian boy, age 7, adopted by an American woman. The child was returned to Russia, alone. He had a note to explain that the woman who adopted him, little more than 8 months ago, no longer wished to be his mother because he "has severe psychopathic issues". She further stated that the Russian adoption agency had lied about his condition.

This child had come to the u.S. just last fall. One assumes that he did not speak English and the American community was very, very different from the community he had known. Adopted children come with layers of trauma, some with the trauma of separation from their birth mother, some with prenatal trauma, some with medical trauma, others with histories of abuse and neglect. Children adopted from foreign countries have all of these traumas and more because they are not able to express their thoughts and feelings due to language and cultural differences. In addition, much trauma induced stress is unconscious and unprocessed and looks to adults like just bad behavior.

What is incomprehensible about this situation is that the adoptive parent had not been prepared for parenting a child who was being raised in an orphanage and would be coming to a foreign country; a child whose first seven years of life were most likely steeped in trauma. It is to be expected that a child who has been removed from their birth parents, placed in an institution, and then transported across the globe to a new "family" (and hey, he even got a brand new American name), would act out. The acting out comes from pure fear...fear of the unknown, fear of the unexplained and the stress of the loss of everything familiar that he had ever known. The only way to meet a child, who has come from these circumstances, is from a place of love, patience, and understanding. But first the parent must be prepared to respond rather than react. Adoptive parents really believe they are opening their hearts to the children who come into their lives, what they don't know is that we have to be taught to not react, because our reaction will set off all of the child's fear-based emotions. And that in turn will set off all of our fears and stress.

Window of Tolerance and Containment

In last week's post, the reader asked about the child who was out of control on the airplane. I suggested that the child had reached his/her "window of tolerance". The term refers to the level of stress and fear one can withstand. We know, from the literature, that stress for children who have experienced trauma (and actually for adults as well)means they have very little tolerance to maintain and easily become overloaded and act out. Children with trauma histories, who have not had much experience with self-regulation, have very little tolerance for new situations and experiences. A very logical follow up question from this a parent's perspective would be: "what do we do, not give our children new experiences; or do we just assume that every new experience/situation will be greeted with acting out behavior?"

For children with trauma histories who appear to have very narrow windows of tolerance it is helpful to give them as much information repeatedly about the new situation they are going to encounter. It is not enough, however to just tell them about it over and over, in addition they need to know that they become dysregulated and thereby unable to calm themselves. But you will tell them that you will be there with them and you will keep them safe and help them to calm. Use some prior examples of when they have become stressed/ You probably will know your child well enough to know how you have been able to get them back into a state of regulation. And most probably you use "containment" and aren't even aware that that is what you are doing. "Containment" simply means drawing your child in and creating physical and emotional closeness. Of course, the key here is, in order for this to be effective, the parent must be regulated themselves.

In the Air and Out of Control

Question:

We recently took our two foster children, ages 7 and 8 on an airplane. Neither of them had ever been on a plane before and when we had been in the air for awhile, the 7 year old took out his hand held game and proceeded to get completely out of control when he could not win. He heaved the game into the aisle. We took the game away and he got very loud and almost unmanageable. We now feel like we can't take these children anywhere they have never before been or give them any new experiences. What should we do if this situation presents itself again? What might we have done different?

Answer:
Your son was stressed out and had reached his "window of tolerance". It is helpful when we can predict when a situation will threaten a child's tolerance because then we can intervene before things get out of hand. For example: when you realize that he is in a situation that is bound to increase his stress (for your son, it appears to be a new setting and perhaps any transitions) you might try to engage him in some activity other than one in which he usually gets quite competitive. You know from prior experience that when he gets in a zone with these games, he seemingly notices nothing else around him. I understand that you feel like you can't take them on trips or introduce them to new experiences after having the vacation that Chevy Chase makes movies of. However, telling the children many times about what will be happening on the vacation prior to the trip and then before each transition will help. Also, letting them know that new things are always hard for them and you are going to be there with them and if they want to hold your hand that's fine; if they need to walk right next to you, that's fine. You will be right there and when they feel that they are not okay, they should give you a signal, so that you can hold them close. This is the time for "containment".

Next time: "window of tolerance" and "containment"