Question:
We were asked to pick up our 11 year old foster son from school yesterday because he was disruptive, defiant and disrespectful to his teacher and to the teacher aid. Other times they will try to work with him, but because everyone was testing he was a distraction to the other students. We know that the testing will continue this week and into next and are really at a loss of how to handle his behavior. We would be appreciative of any suggestions you can give. We have thought about taking away his games for the week or perhaps not allowing him to watch television.
Answer:
Your son is stressed out by the test taking and does not know what to do with his anxiety. Instead of punishing him talk to him about how stressful/frustrating/nerve-wracking testing can be for him. Let him know that you understand and ask him what might help him get through it. He may not understand why he can't get more one on one help; he may be afraid that he is going to get a bad grade. Try to listen to his concerns and not try to argue with him or try to tell him that he just has to take the tests. If you find out what might help him, communicate those things to his teacher. And if he can't tell you, then talk with the teacher about how stressed he gets and ask if they can give him a few more breaks when he seems to be getting extra fidgety or needing a new pencil or to get up out of his seat, etc.
Too often we have expectations of how children should behave and are unaware of how stressful the environment they are in can be. Teachers, administrators, students are all wound very tight during testing time and it is easily picked up by stress sensitive kids. And they will act out their stress.
Elaine Spicer, LCSW
Elaine Spicer; MSW; LCSW; BCI Certified Instructor
About Me
- Elaine Spicer; LCSW
- I have been a social worker for 31 years. My work has been with families and children first in the area of Child Protective Services and then as a therapist working with the same population. I have worked with divorcing and divorced parents teaching co-parenting techniques, supervised therapists and have been a social worker for emotionally challenged children and adolescents in an inner city school system. About 7 years ago I was introduced to the work of Bryan Post and, as a friend and colleague said at the time...I went Post-al. All of my previous assumptions and indeed my work using behavioral interventions, got pushed aside. And along came the realization that none of the interventions, meant to change behaviors, had anything in common with helping children heal from the trauma they had experienced. My best work these days is as a coach/consultant for parents, other caregivers, and teachers. The services I provide are parent education, coaching, consulting and supervising. I am the mother of five adult children and grandmother to five. I am both a bio mom and an adoptive mom.