In last week's post, the reader asked about the child who was out of control on the airplane. I suggested that the child had reached his/her "window of tolerance". The term refers to the level of stress and fear one can withstand. We know, from the literature, that stress for children who have experienced trauma (and actually for adults as well)means they have very little tolerance to maintain and easily become overloaded and act out. Children with trauma histories, who have not had much experience with self-regulation, have very little tolerance for new situations and experiences. A very logical follow up question from this a parent's perspective would be: "what do we do, not give our children new experiences; or do we just assume that every new experience/situation will be greeted with acting out behavior?"
For children with trauma histories who appear to have very narrow windows of tolerance it is helpful to give them as much information repeatedly about the new situation they are going to encounter. It is not enough, however to just tell them about it over and over, in addition they need to know that they become dysregulated and thereby unable to calm themselves. But you will tell them that you will be there with them and you will keep them safe and help them to calm. Use some prior examples of when they have become stressed/ You probably will know your child well enough to know how you have been able to get them back into a state of regulation. And most probably you use "containment" and aren't even aware that that is what you are doing. "Containment" simply means drawing your child in and creating physical and emotional closeness. Of course, the key here is, in order for this to be effective, the parent must be regulated themselves.
Elaine Spicer; MSW; LCSW; BCI Certified Instructor
About Me
- Elaine Spicer; LCSW
- I have been a social worker for 31 years. My work has been with families and children first in the area of Child Protective Services and then as a therapist working with the same population. I have worked with divorcing and divorced parents teaching co-parenting techniques, supervised therapists and have been a social worker for emotionally challenged children and adolescents in an inner city school system. About 7 years ago I was introduced to the work of Bryan Post and, as a friend and colleague said at the time...I went Post-al. All of my previous assumptions and indeed my work using behavioral interventions, got pushed aside. And along came the realization that none of the interventions, meant to change behaviors, had anything in common with helping children heal from the trauma they had experienced. My best work these days is as a coach/consultant for parents, other caregivers, and teachers. The services I provide are parent education, coaching, consulting and supervising. I am the mother of five adult children and grandmother to five. I am both a bio mom and an adoptive mom.